At the moment, I’m trying really hard to pull off this 60s/70s hair with a central parting and, yeah I suppose they are just curtains really… If anyone has my Twitter/Facebook, it’s the photo I have as my avatar, with the really smoothed out skin and sharpened eyes (I know I’m not the only one doing this to their pictures!).
So I got to style my hair as usual and pull back my fringe only to find, *dramatic music* MORE GREY HAIRS! I have found a grey hair before and had a small meltdown about it, but then figured because I had been dying my hair for so often and for so many years (I’ve now not coloured my roots since last October – go me!) that maybe it was just coloured grey because I had used a fashion grey colour not so long ago. Deep down I knew though, this hair was wiry and looked crimped when my naturally dark hair is normally straight as a die.
The grey hairs are few and far between, but I’m finding them all over my head in random places and because of how my brain works, I assume there is something wrong. Obviously it’s time to have a Google, let’s hope I’m not pregnant!! So I’m frantically checking whether I have a vitamin B12 deficiency, whether it’s genetic, whether I’m just so anxious and stressed that I’ve actually caused myself to go grey at 26! I also wondered whether I was going to die earlier than everyone else and a fear that I’ve stopped producing melanin and what this meant (I think I might have some sort of undiagnosed hypochondria…).
I’m frustrated that I’ve finally taken the plunge and go back to my natural colour giving it a well deserved break… and I’m going bloody grey! Stranger yet, I could have had grey hairs for the last 10 years and not known about it because of all of the colouring.
I suspect the panic is related to my own vanity and the fact and it made me feel old.
I still have that fear that I believe a lot of women do that once their youth has left them they are suddenly rendered useless and unattractive. I’m bloody 26, I shouldn’t be having thoughts even close to this.
Deciding now that I’m just moments away from death and have left the best years of my life behind, I started thinking further about why I had those crazy thoughts?! I know that it’s completely ridiculous and yet it was my initial reaction?
Instead of thinking “Great! I can bust out the hair dye guilt free now, maybe go for an Anna Prior red!”
I felt a shockwave of shame, reminding me that I haven’t accomplished everything yet.
I started to feel inadequate and behind everybody else in my age group.
I’m not earning the salary I want, I’m not on the property ladder yet and I certainly haven’t even got a finger in the door of the career I want to do, never mind a foot!
All this from a few grey hairs?!
I’d really love to hear from anyone who has felt similarly to this.
Whether it was your 30th birthday (I’ve had a few friends get really self-critical and reflective at this age for some reason), your first grey hair, or the realisation that all your friends are engaged, some are on their second child and you are in your rented flat with another bowl of cereal.